When the loss is a child, it was suicide, or the case is unsolved
Most sites like mine don’t go here. I’d rather you know before you book that I do.
When the loss is a child
Losing a child is fucking devastating. I’ve seen it in a mother’s eyes, across the table from me, and I have never seen pain like it in this life. Not once in three thousand sessions.
I have twin boys. They’re my whole world. I don’t know how it feels, and I won’t pretend I do. What I know is what it looks like from the other chair, and what comes through when the child does.
Here’s what I’ve watched happen to parents. You become an alien. The people who love you can’t reach you, and it’s not their fault and it’s not yours. The thing that held up your joy, your youth, your innocence as an adult, is gone, and there’s no capacity left to receive anything, not even love. People say “let me know what you need” and you can’t, because what you need isn’t on the menu.
So I’m not going to try to reach you either. I’m not going to coach you back toward feeling better, and I’m not going to tell you it’s all light and peace on the other side, because you don’t need a brochure. I’m going to sit in it with you and let them do the talking.
What they say, every time, is simple. They’re not in pain. They’re not lost or scared or waiting for you to fix something. And they see you. Not the version holding it together in public. The one on the floor at three in the morning. That’s the one they’re closest to.
You don’t have to heal. Grief this size isn’t a problem, it’s the shape love takes when there’s nowhere to put it. Let it have you as long as it needs to. And whenever you’re ready, not before, let them meet you where you are now. That’s usually where they are.
When it was suicide
If you’re not grieving this but living inside it right now, put this down and call or text 988. I mean it. Come back later.
I’m not writing this as the medium. I’ve lost people in my own family this way, more than one, and I still don’t have it wrapped up. If you’re waiting for it to make sense, you can stop waiting. That’s not you failing at grief.
What I’ve come to understand, and it’s only my perspective from sitting with the people who left this way, is this. It wasn’t weakness, and it wasn’t a message to you. Being in a body is hard. We all feel a version of that cut-off feeling, disconnected from everything, and most of us get through it. Some people fall all the way in. At the moment they left, the mind, not the eternal part of them, the mind in the body, had come apart. The patterns holding their world together just stopped holding. It wasn’t a choice the way you and I make choices. Asking “why” the way we ask why almost misses what it was, which is a feeling of total separation from all that is. There’s a kind of respect in not forcing that into a tidy story.
And the hardest thing for me to say to someone in this pain: in my experience, the timing of every leaving is down to the millisecond. I don’t know why. I just know. Which means the thing you’re carrying, “if I’d called, if I’d noticed, if I’d said it differently,” I’ve carried it too, and I don’t believe it’s yours. You didn’t miss the one thing that would have changed it. You were a person who loved them, doing what you knew.
What comes through from them is never guilt, never blame, never “you should have.” It’s clarity. The fog is gone. They can see their whole life without the weight that crushed the end of it, and they can see you. What they usually want is for you to put the story down, the one where the last day was the only day.
I won’t make you feel better. That’s not the work. The work is getting you back to yourself, so you can carry them the way they were, not the way it ended.
When the case is unsolved
I also work unsolved cases. Unsolved murder cases, specifically. I’ve done quite a few, and I’ve had success with them, and I’d rather tell you about that directly than write it up here.
It’s a different kind of session. Part of it is the same connection I use in every reading, the person themselves coming through. The other part is remote viewing, which is a way of seeing a place, a sequence, a detail, without being there. Together they can turn up things nobody in the room knew. I don’t promise an answer. I promise to be straight with you about what I get and what I don’t.
There’s a protocol for this, and every case is different, so it isn’t something you book off the calendar. Email me and tell me what you’re carrying. I’ll be honest with you about my process and whether I’m the right person for it.
Missing persons is rarer for me. It’s a completely different connection, and I take those on very selectively. Run it by me first. I’m open to all of it. Don’t talk yourself out of reaching out.
We’re all just walking each other home. This is the part of the road nobody wants to walk. I’ll walk it with you.